Turn Signal

I was feeling like the Pavlovian test animal. My turn signal went on and activated my automatic pilot feature. You know the one I mean: the ingrained habit that massages your sense of well-being while suctioning off your wallet's contents. Some may call this activity addiction. I am leaning that way and unable to support the less severe theories; and I turned the steering wheel to the right to turn into the gas station.

I could almost smell the aroma of that coffee brewing. Caution be blasted; the flesh was going to win this one and I was led to the brewing delight like a lamb to the slaughter. Coffee! Bliss and stimulant fix combined with a socially acceptable habit. "Everyone is doing it" snuck into my thought patterns and patted my ego on the back. Was I stuck back in high school or something? Peer pressure had snapped it's claws into my will's backside and was hanging on for dear life.

Yes, I knew that the caffeine overload was not going to be good for either my calcium levels or my waistline(I like sugar and light cream when I can get it). I was a junkie and I was okay with that; rationalizing my habit as a necessary rendezvous with an old friend. College hooked us up years ago; and we just got along so well that we stayed together.

A twinge of regret surged into my consciousness; poking a hole in my drug-induced reverie. That first sip was the best; regardless of whether or not my tongue burned itself on the hot brew. Feed the flesh and gain a dress size, I know. I pray that tomorrow will lead me off of the road that goes down the garden path...


All things are possible with God, right? Right. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I will be strong and take courage. God will come to my aid and rescue me from my slavery.

I am full of myself at this point and indulge each successive sip with more joy and joie de vive than is humanly prudent. Tomorrow never comes and I will be doing the same thing tomorrow morning. Maybe then I will buy a smaller cup of my cup of joe and be on the road to recovery.

One day at a time. One day at a time.

Blue Dove

The shadow comes;
and I'm lonely once more...
gazing at the blue dove
that flies across the sky;
the coasting and soaring bringing me
to my knees in longing
as I taste of that sweet ache once more.
My hands reach up to heaven;
yearning for release from the bondages of earth...
knowing that faith endures
and the joy of the Lord will return.

Shame

The thought arrives with stealth and venom...
"You should be ashamed of yourself. You're selfish.
You'll be exiled
and spurned if you don't start behaving yourself."
The effort begins
to hold myself together
...with bread ties and old chewing gum.
The bread ties are worn;
weakend where
strength is needed;
unable to stay connected
to keep
the tattered edges
of my self in one cohesive "whole".

Shame surrounds me
as my pieces fall away;
exposed and bleeding until
bled out enough
to congeal into a tepid calm...

This was written on July 1, 2008.

Acrostic Praise

God grant me the faith to see beyond circumstance;

Raising my hands in anticipation;

Available GRACE welcomes me into its' grasp...

Covering me with the sweet aroma of a thankful heart;

Enabling me to see beyond the present.

Cracked Clay

I'm dust transformed by
grace and mercy;
created by His hand for
His glory...
The cracks in the clay
make room for the new dirt;
encouraging growth
of new green and gold buds...
and causing new pain
as the clay gets harder.
In realms of Glory,
my clay will be transformed...
completed in joy
though manipulated by trial
as my tears soften the edges
of the cracked clay...
His way of redeeming and making room
for the Potter's hands
to create something new.

Hide Me

Hide me, Lord;
for I am unsure
that the eyes of perception
will match the statement of reality.
Fear offers its'whispers
and lends me its' cloak;
cold comfort
isolating me
from believing in warmth.
Hide me, Lord;
as the one who paid so willingly
for what I cannot afford to live without.
Protect me, Lord;
as I am unsure
where I went wrong;
help buoy me up
and restore Your courage
to my faltering spirit.
Forgive me for the avoidable
failings and foibles
drawn into with willing hands...
and restore the years
that the locusts have eaten.

Part 4: Stars in the Headlights

The feast for her eyes was a mixture of egg and milk mixed on the floor manually without the benefit of a mixing bowl. White oak flooring soaked up a measure of the liquid; but the eggs were more tenacious to the surface. "I hungry, mommy!" the beloved tornado wailed as if in agony. "Could you help me clean this up, love? I can make you some eggs if there are any left." She took an inventory of the cold zone and discovered that there were indeed eggs in attendance. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ella continued to clean up the mess with a quiet assistant clinging to her for comfort and reassurance. She looked at her child's face; framed with wispy brown locks in continual motion. In vanity, her eyes looked over her young one to discern where her DNA had left its' mark.


Ella was "sitting on the hill" but had been told that "still looked good". Turning 40 was a jolt to her psyche, and turned her into an armchair philosophy major for a good two months. Passing by a mirror and noticing a gray hair or two, the thought came to her that she needed to get over herself. Her shoulder-length hair was a honey brown with a furtive hint of auburn when the sun hit it just right. She had her father's British Isles complexion that prompted her husband to tell her that she should stay out of the sun because "vampires start smoking in sunlight". She stood about 5'9" at one point in her history; but that might have changed. Ignorance was bliss in this department; and she wasn't going to harbor any intention of double-checking now. Her behind seemed more like a double-wide trailer than a compact car these days. Blast that age-induced metabolism slow-down. A chocolate addiction had absolutely nothing to do with the matter.
Nathan was watching from the edge of the living room and let out a loud "gross!" as if trying to contribute to the morning's activities. His light brown hair was as yet unbrushed and gave him an artistic style to his morning look. The spider man pajamas were still hanging from his thin frame; which elicited a "time to get dressed for the day, Nathan" from a very domesticated female down on all fours. A thought came to her about the days they were both brought forth from her womb; beautiful and perfect. There was joy in the mundane and the inconvenient for Ella; and the day promised to keep her engaged.

Cloud Cover

It is dark;
yet I hear crickets...
and birds...
moving tires...
and honking horns...
There is life and activity
somewhere ahead.
I breathe in
and I breathe out.
Words and images float
and land vicariously into my mind;
carrying in with them fresh wind,
fragrant fruit and flowers,
...and the scent of print...
joy springs up out of the corner
to suprise and refresh;
arriving and ushering me into
the courts of the pleasant...

Stars in the Headlights Part 3

"I'm just finishing up the paperwork!" she yelled through the bathroom door. Ella was trying not to imagine what the two were up to on the other side of the world. As long as it didn't involve fire or a trip to the emergency room it was all good. It was Monday morning again. That day of the week that was faithful to come; and stayed past the welcome period. It was a day that the Lord had made for His glory; but down here on earth it often brought a level of stress with it.

Nathan was ready for school. His sister was doing her thing: eating. It was a fresh day with few mistakes in it. One day at a time was all she could handle. The thoughts of the days ahead and the challenges therein swirled around in her head. Mercy enabled her to jump back into the present and hang on to the moment. Just for this day, she could make it from point a to point b.

She took refuge in making plans for the future. The best case scenario was at least a few years away from fruition. Still, the mental meanderings fueled a level of hope that came and went as the passing of the clouds. God would have to make a way for her to make something happen. Were her ideas seeds for future growth? How much of her planning was truly inspiration or padding for her bruised ego? Of course, whatever God wanted was the best plan of all. The question was insistent on resurfacing: "What would Jesus have me do?"

Her reverie was punctured as soon as she saw the state of the kitchen. Fire #2 was on the kitchen counter perusing the cupboards for some more breakfast. She couldn't possibly still be hungry; it would have been physically impossible. A flash prayer rose up to heaven from her lips as she sped towards the corner of the room where the preschool terror was on the loose. "Lord, sustain me!"

Ready

I am armed and dangerous;
dangerous to the shadows,
a threat to the drain of the discouraging voice...
I'm "getting my praise on" and warming up the rockets;
ready to break through the walls,
stand up on the rooftops,
sing in invitation to the presence of the Lord
as my feet melt off traces of clay
onto the path;
onto the choices that I am compelled to make.
Praying that the fiesty streak
bubbling up within my spirit is indeed from His hand;
I arm myself for battle;
and rest in the confidence I have in Jesus.

Quiet Trust

In quietness and trust,
my soul shall rely;
knowing past conscious reason
the source of my strength...
That still, small voice
arriving after the storm winds;
providing support beams to the earthen hut
carried around on feet of clay...
In quietness and trust,
I reach past the often cold comfort of reason's grasp;
holding onto each moment...
...wide-eyed in anticipation of the divine circumstance
that will make every valley smooth
...and every mountaintop perch enduring...
His quiet rest sets the trusses upon solid ground;
fortifying my being
and sustaining the flame entrusted to mortal flesh.

Stars in the Headlights (continued)

The gift and the apparent difficulty of raising children(God had seen fit to bless them with a boy and a girl)revealed more of who she was than she was presently comfortable with. Marriage itself drew out so much of the dross; kids simply magnified the issues already present. At one point, he had questioned whether she had been having an affair. Right...one man at a time was enough for any woman if she was in her right mind. In reality, keeping one required a combination of resignation and sheer insanity. Women never learn, mostly because they know at their core that a ring could bring to them a richness to the fiber of their days; a gift of God with many disguises.
Her habit of squirreling away pens and paper puzzled and sometimes frustrated her husband. The kids took advantage of a clean wall and decided to get creative more than a few times. It probably bordered on an obsessive-compulsive thing, but there had to be a prize behind door #3. She figured that there must be a purpose behind such an obsession. Domestic life pulled her away from the world of words and imagination; propelling her towards a measure of conflict self-inflicted. The dishes in the sink looked appropriate when she was able to rationalize the neglect of the domestic duty.
The road ahead was closing in on the house they all shared. The evidence of "yard apes" as Nathan liked to call the children, was all over the yard. That fulfilling reminder of joy's promise was a comforting sight. The clutter was actually beautiful; even though it would have to be picked up in daylight. In the back seat, all was quiet; they had to be asleep.

Stars in the Headlights

Note: This is going to be a short story in installments. Alexander inspired me, Phil:).

It was amazing how different the oncoming headlights looked through tears. They elongated themselves into spikes reaching towards the sky and down towards the depths of the earth. It made her forget how her eyes were burning; aflame with that salty water that comes out of the soul when it is injured. Light was not just light; it was a reflection, a mirror, a window, and a beacon. The light led her to think of Jesus; and the prayers arose from her lips for His mercy to wash over her.
The old tape player put out a song that was sung on her wedding day many years ago. She took him for better or for worse. It had been a mixed bag of both over the time that they had been married. The fall in the garden had taken its' toll on everything. Marriage was definitely one of those entities. Ella came back to the baseline truth that kept her with him: she still loved the guy. The song brought back so many images of daily life and the thundering hooves of children's feet. Anyone who referred to them as "pitter-patter" had not been blessed with children of their own.

SATURDAY

O God , Creator of heaven and earth: Grant that, as the crucified body of our dear Son was laid in the tomb and rested on this holy Sabbath, so we may await with him the coming of the third day, rise with him to newness of life; who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
From The Book of Common Prayer

Young Artists

This is from Chelsey's Wednesday night high school concert. I was wildly impressed and had to share it with you all. Thanks to Bill for helping me put this post together! This piece is called Alligator Alley, by Michael Daugherty, and features bassoons, which you can hear right at the beginning.

Chelsey's Artform: hair-sculpture

Matthew 10:29-31"What's the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries." (The Message)

Swinging in the Breeze

Hangin' in there
on the vine;
sitting on the knot I have to
hang on.
Lovin' that breeze that blows past
my face;
infusing His Spirit into
body and soul...
...and sending up my praises
to the throne of heaven.
Hangin' in there
on the vine;
'cuz I know who is
holding onto the other end.

Note: This is an official attempt at being jovial. I hope it works:)...Lynne

Happy Valentine's Day Lisa

Bagatelle in A minor
(Fur Elise)
Ludwig van Beethoven

arr: bill
performed by:
the music room quintet


For Lisa...

you are the best thing that has ever come into my life...

(except for Jesus)

William

Oh, Train

Lynne Hasuly

I see the train coming,
but I'm tied to the tracks...
yeah, hoping that the wheels stop
'fore they push down my back...
into the metal and into the earth...
knock me out, Lord...
...or send hungry mice;
to eat through the rope
and then all my vice...
I'm hoping for Kingdom come
'fore critical mass;
'cause the ground is 'rumbling
...an that train's a'comin fast...

Oh, for Glory, Lord.
Ready to just move on
into Your arms
and out of the flames...
burning the dross
...and shining up the gold...
Thank You, Lord
for the promise;
yeah the promise of the Glory Train...

No Strings Attached

Chelsey Rubin

A sign of you nearby appears
My heart skips a beat...
The sight of you takes away my tears,
Every time we meet,
The others took advantage of me,
Why couldn't they be nice?
I learned that love does not come free,
It requires sacrifice,
You too possess some ugliness,
But things I can ignore.
Frankly, you are quite a mess,
But you still have allure,
I choose you out of all the rest,
Although you hide in back,
To me you are the very best,
My lovely clearance rack.

*note: Chelsey admits that this work is a result of Algebra boredom:) Let's hear it for the arts!

** another note: Chelsey turns 17 on Sunday. Happy Birthday, Chelsey!

Scripture Going into Public Places

These are the two newest pieces that I just delivered to Susanna Thomas....(my primary physician). She's going to hang these in examining rooms. She chose scriptures that she hopes will help calm people as they sit there. These aren't very clear photos, but they are very striking pieces. I'm pleased with them,and am very happy that scriptures will be hanging in "public", and also that my work will be "out there"....locally.

Judith

#1 Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

#2 Psalm 34:4 NLT "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears."

Indecision

Lynne Hasuly

I can't tell you
what I'm doing...
In truth,
I'm not sure I want to know...
the actions of my flesh as my body's held in tow...
Can't seem to decide whether to stay or to go...
flooded by alternating streams
and dry river beds
left arid and wanting from repeated assaults...
deliver me, Lord.
Deliver me from the pull of dark angels
heading away from Passion's flood...
restore my mind quickly;
placing my feet on unshifting foundations
and uniting my will to seek Your presence.