Ella in the Hot Seat

Ella was going to get kicked out of school. Even a fly on the wall at her house would have yearned for escape. Ella heard the words of the principal ring in her ears over and over again. It made sense, especially since her behavior was so disruptive to her classmates. She was writing a lot these days. It wasn't full of hearts and flowers. The cloak of melancholy had turned heavy once more and threatened her sanity. Reputation? It was trashed. Survival reigned over keeping up appearances that all was well. All was not well. She felt as if she were leaking life through every orifice of her spirit, soul, and body.

The days were surreal. She was aware of everything going on around her, yet wasn't often quick to respond. Noone came into her inner enclave except God himself. It seemed that God didn't know what to do with her, either. The question stood as to whether her perception was as accurate as it seemed like to her. Cracks in her armor let in just enough light to allow the questions to sneak in. The thought of her perception of reality being off-kilter was evoking an almost ambivalent shade of blue within her. If she spoke of her doubts, then the fact that her mind was in flux would be confirmed.

The psychiatrist's office had double doors that closed in opposite sides of the door jam. Liquid fear ran through her veins and chilled her. This confirmed her status among the truly whacked. How did she get here? She was in the 7th grade. There was no blame to assign her parents or to anyone else. They were attentive and loving. The mystery floated around her personna about why she cried. Panic froze her where she sat at her desk and chained her to the chair. The flood of water seemed to erupt with the intensity of a stick of dynamite.

The whispers of hope came to her even when being choked by the tears. There was going to be an end to these times of virulent intensity. It didn't seem close by; she wasn't going to be anticipating that change anytime soon. Still, she could remember the conversations of older relatives that centered around a loving Jesus and the impact that He had on their lives. She had invited Him in, but was disappointed when the guilt over her behavior continued to chew away at her hope for change. Some witness she was going to be for a loving God that gave everything to pull her fat out of the fires of hell. There were those moments that she could not see the faces of aunts and uncles talking about the Lord. Those patches of time were desolate; she felt bereft of comfort from any source offered. That spot in her spirit seemed unreachable by anyone except God. The problem was that she still felt like the same pummeled girl as before the invitation. Was there some reason why salvation just didn't "take?" Where else was there to go?