Hide Me

Hide me, Lord;
for I am unsure
that the eyes of perception
will match the statement of reality.
Fear offers its'whispers
and lends me its' cloak;
cold comfort
isolating me
from believing in warmth.
Hide me, Lord;
as the one who paid so willingly
for what I cannot afford to live without.
Protect me, Lord;
as I am unsure
where I went wrong;
help buoy me up
and restore Your courage
to my faltering spirit.
Forgive me for the avoidable
failings and foibles
drawn into with willing hands...
and restore the years
that the locusts have eaten.

Part 4: Stars in the Headlights

The feast for her eyes was a mixture of egg and milk mixed on the floor manually without the benefit of a mixing bowl. White oak flooring soaked up a measure of the liquid; but the eggs were more tenacious to the surface. "I hungry, mommy!" the beloved tornado wailed as if in agony. "Could you help me clean this up, love? I can make you some eggs if there are any left." She took an inventory of the cold zone and discovered that there were indeed eggs in attendance. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ella continued to clean up the mess with a quiet assistant clinging to her for comfort and reassurance. She looked at her child's face; framed with wispy brown locks in continual motion. In vanity, her eyes looked over her young one to discern where her DNA had left its' mark.


Ella was "sitting on the hill" but had been told that "still looked good". Turning 40 was a jolt to her psyche, and turned her into an armchair philosophy major for a good two months. Passing by a mirror and noticing a gray hair or two, the thought came to her that she needed to get over herself. Her shoulder-length hair was a honey brown with a furtive hint of auburn when the sun hit it just right. She had her father's British Isles complexion that prompted her husband to tell her that she should stay out of the sun because "vampires start smoking in sunlight". She stood about 5'9" at one point in her history; but that might have changed. Ignorance was bliss in this department; and she wasn't going to harbor any intention of double-checking now. Her behind seemed more like a double-wide trailer than a compact car these days. Blast that age-induced metabolism slow-down. A chocolate addiction had absolutely nothing to do with the matter.
Nathan was watching from the edge of the living room and let out a loud "gross!" as if trying to contribute to the morning's activities. His light brown hair was as yet unbrushed and gave him an artistic style to his morning look. The spider man pajamas were still hanging from his thin frame; which elicited a "time to get dressed for the day, Nathan" from a very domesticated female down on all fours. A thought came to her about the days they were both brought forth from her womb; beautiful and perfect. There was joy in the mundane and the inconvenient for Ella; and the day promised to keep her engaged.

Cloud Cover

It is dark;
yet I hear crickets...
and birds...
moving tires...
and honking horns...
There is life and activity
somewhere ahead.
I breathe in
and I breathe out.
Words and images float
and land vicariously into my mind;
carrying in with them fresh wind,
fragrant fruit and flowers,
...and the scent of print...
joy springs up out of the corner
to suprise and refresh;
arriving and ushering me into
the courts of the pleasant...

Stars in the Headlights Part 3

"I'm just finishing up the paperwork!" she yelled through the bathroom door. Ella was trying not to imagine what the two were up to on the other side of the world. As long as it didn't involve fire or a trip to the emergency room it was all good. It was Monday morning again. That day of the week that was faithful to come; and stayed past the welcome period. It was a day that the Lord had made for His glory; but down here on earth it often brought a level of stress with it.

Nathan was ready for school. His sister was doing her thing: eating. It was a fresh day with few mistakes in it. One day at a time was all she could handle. The thoughts of the days ahead and the challenges therein swirled around in her head. Mercy enabled her to jump back into the present and hang on to the moment. Just for this day, she could make it from point a to point b.

She took refuge in making plans for the future. The best case scenario was at least a few years away from fruition. Still, the mental meanderings fueled a level of hope that came and went as the passing of the clouds. God would have to make a way for her to make something happen. Were her ideas seeds for future growth? How much of her planning was truly inspiration or padding for her bruised ego? Of course, whatever God wanted was the best plan of all. The question was insistent on resurfacing: "What would Jesus have me do?"

Her reverie was punctured as soon as she saw the state of the kitchen. Fire #2 was on the kitchen counter perusing the cupboards for some more breakfast. She couldn't possibly still be hungry; it would have been physically impossible. A flash prayer rose up to heaven from her lips as she sped towards the corner of the room where the preschool terror was on the loose. "Lord, sustain me!"

Ready

I am armed and dangerous;
dangerous to the shadows,
a threat to the drain of the discouraging voice...
I'm "getting my praise on" and warming up the rockets;
ready to break through the walls,
stand up on the rooftops,
sing in invitation to the presence of the Lord
as my feet melt off traces of clay
onto the path;
onto the choices that I am compelled to make.
Praying that the fiesty streak
bubbling up within my spirit is indeed from His hand;
I arm myself for battle;
and rest in the confidence I have in Jesus.

Quiet Trust

In quietness and trust,
my soul shall rely;
knowing past conscious reason
the source of my strength...
That still, small voice
arriving after the storm winds;
providing support beams to the earthen hut
carried around on feet of clay...
In quietness and trust,
I reach past the often cold comfort of reason's grasp;
holding onto each moment...
...wide-eyed in anticipation of the divine circumstance
that will make every valley smooth
...and every mountaintop perch enduring...
His quiet rest sets the trusses upon solid ground;
fortifying my being
and sustaining the flame entrusted to mortal flesh.

Stars in the Headlights (continued)

The gift and the apparent difficulty of raising children(God had seen fit to bless them with a boy and a girl)revealed more of who she was than she was presently comfortable with. Marriage itself drew out so much of the dross; kids simply magnified the issues already present. At one point, he had questioned whether she had been having an affair. Right...one man at a time was enough for any woman if she was in her right mind. In reality, keeping one required a combination of resignation and sheer insanity. Women never learn, mostly because they know at their core that a ring could bring to them a richness to the fiber of their days; a gift of God with many disguises.
Her habit of squirreling away pens and paper puzzled and sometimes frustrated her husband. The kids took advantage of a clean wall and decided to get creative more than a few times. It probably bordered on an obsessive-compulsive thing, but there had to be a prize behind door #3. She figured that there must be a purpose behind such an obsession. Domestic life pulled her away from the world of words and imagination; propelling her towards a measure of conflict self-inflicted. The dishes in the sink looked appropriate when she was able to rationalize the neglect of the domestic duty.
The road ahead was closing in on the house they all shared. The evidence of "yard apes" as Nathan liked to call the children, was all over the yard. That fulfilling reminder of joy's promise was a comforting sight. The clutter was actually beautiful; even though it would have to be picked up in daylight. In the back seat, all was quiet; they had to be asleep.